Reasons I Shall Not be Smoking

even uncle sam is urging me to stop. i should and i am.

after this post onwards, i am not gonna take up any cigarettes anymore...

1. it cost me money where i can use it up for something more productive.
2. its disappointing and hurting my parents and my loved ones.
3. its not good for health.
4. there is no benefits from smoking.
5. if my baby has quit smoking, so can i.
6. since i started smoking, i have done nothing good, just bad.
7. its a stupid decision, like my dad said, only stupid people smokes.
8. there is so much more in life.
9. it tastes like shit(not that i have tasted shit before).
10. if i cant take care of myself, no one can.
11. whats the point of taking supplements and then killing it by smoking? wasting money
12. smoke relief is only temporary.
13. if im going to kill myself slowly, might as well just shoot myself in the head.
14. everyone wants to quit, so im taking up the initiative to do so.
15. i dont want a smoking future.

seriously, smoking has effected me too much in life, and not in a good way. always brought me trouble, lowers down my productivity and basically never brought anything good to me.

so, from today onwards, Monday, September 7 2009, 2:52am, i shall not pickup smoking nor shall i be influenced by anyone to smoke anymore. shame on me for smoking... this is a promise to myself, and anyone who is reading this, please quit, and list down what has smoking done for you before...

waiting...

i feel like crying... i really do... i have been waiting a whole day for her... for her responses, her replies...

T_T

i was at my friend's place today, wanting help to compose a song for her birthday... i didnt want her to know, its a surprise... so i sms-ed to tel her that i am studying and i wont want to be bothered...well... im never good at lying and keeping surprises... she called an hour later, i ran to the toilet and hid... told her im in the toilet, and i need to finish of another chapter and then call her back...

but then after a while... she called me back, and she caught me that i wasnt at home, and that i was lying to her...

i couldnt help it... i really wanted it to be her B'day song... its so hard to compose and write, she smsed me that she wanted to break up with me cause she couldnt trust me...

i went home and saw that my status on Facebook is no longer in a relationship with her.... it really hurts me then... it really did... but i kept it in... told her that i was composing and writing a song for her... she still doesnt believe i think... called her multiple times today but to no avail... smsed her but no replies... i saw her online, i msg-ed her but she doesnt asnwer me... i really cant hold it in right now..im writing this as tears are rolling down my cheeks as i feel ignored, lost and i dont know what to do...


how bad is it that a person feels that he/she is ignored just because he/she wanted to do something for his/her loved one? where is the fairness in that? i waited the whole day... and i have no outlet... i cant think straight, kept me from thinking too much... but now i finally cracked...

kepedihan hatiku...

Deciding for a Change

im going to change myself, to reach for my dreams. am gonna change myself so my baby does not need to worry about me... i feel the winds of change blowing my way... it is now the right time and right place.

im not going to be as forgetful as i was before... i will take action into mind, words into consideration... no longer will i live my life like i was before...

my current thinking brought me where i am now, i am not happy with where i am... i want something better, something more... i need a change...

A Man With A Dream Will Not Be Denied...




Hanson
A Change in My Life

Standing cold and scared on top of blue hill,
There came one moment, when I lost my will.
I prayed for mercy, please lord take me away.
Oh give me sunshine where I only see grey.
My past had a hold on me, it can't be denied,
And the changes don't come easily.

chorus
I've been lonely, I've been cheated,
I've been misunderstood
I've been washed up, I've been put down,
And told I'm no good
But with you I belong,
Cause you help me be strong,
There's a change in my life,
Since you came along.

Now I don't mind working so hard every day.
And I don't pay no mind to what people say.
'Cause after all the pain I've been through
Lord knows I'd give up everything
Just to love only you
All my life I'd held my head bent in shame,
But now I've found you, and with you
I'll remain, Lord knows.

Repeat chorus

A man gets crazy when his life is all wrong,
And a heart gets weary when it doesn't belong.
When the road gets rocky Lord
You've got to keep on.
Let the new light come shining on through.

Repeat chorus

Forgetful

why am i so forgetful? why cant i remember somethings when i try so hard to remember them... this is what brought me into trouble with my baby today. i sometimes forget where her classes are and it hurts her... i understand that, because it shows as if i dont care. i do care about her, i dont want to make her sad. but i make her sad time and time again, while i thought that i am doing something that is making her happy, making her proud, something else pops up and i make her sad. i dont want that to happen. i really dont.

everytime she is sad, it makes me feel useless as a boyfriend not doing what im supposed to do, which is to make her happy. as of right now, i am aiming for her birthday, every single cent and penny saved will prioritized for my baby's birthday, i am even doing her handmade gift right now... and below, i will vow to do these and to keep my forgetfulness away, even that there is still a chance, i want to minimize it.

1. jot down every single thing of my baby's lifestyle.
2. constantly update the booklet and constantly looktrough it so i do not forget.

this will try to reduce the chance of me dissapointing my baby. i love her too much to hurt her anymore...

p.s: smack me if i do forget. i love you stephanie

The Best Thing That Happened to me

There has never been any greater girl that has come into my life... you are everything that means special to me..

why do i say that? because you are the anchor of my heart... you keep me down when things are afloat but you keep me up when i am sad. you are all i have ever hoped for, and there is no one like you. i really want you to know that i love you more than anyone else in this world...



Hennessy Artistry in QE3 in Penang, yes, she did down the bottle lulz...

sometimes to get to your heart is difficult, but i always tell myself that i wont give up on you, because you mean that much to me. i have never felt this way to anyone before, and this the truth, i pray everynight for you to be safe from all worries and sorrows.

despite we came from different backgrounds, different point of views, but there is so much we could do together, and i believe our love transcends boundaries.



this is how good she looked in dresses, she blows my mind every-time.

i believe that there is a reason that we were brought together, and it is no accident, as i write this i am thinking of all the memories that we have had together and all the memories that we are going to have in the future.. thats what i see...



shaking her bootay during HA in KL... all i could do was sit aside and admire her..

nothing will keep me from doing what i want to do for you, there is just so much in this relationship that i have longed for and i know for a fact that if this is taken away from me, i will not be able to find it again. you are in a way, so many things i have wanted...



look at her skin... no blemishes, makes me feel like touching her cheeks..

i can never get bored of just gazing at you, admiring what i have infront of my eyes, i will never get tired of holding your hands, to feel what i know is real, and i can never saw sweet things to you, because thats how sweet you mean to me and you know that you deserve it. everytime you ask me "you not bored 1 meh always hug hug kiss kiss", i always wanted to say, "no" cuz how could i get bored of you? i could never get bored of you... even when you are not around i basically think of you..


she can camwhore all she wants because i get more pictures of her to look at, she always looks nice... :)

every single thing you do for me i do cherish it for it means so much to me. i never thought i would ever find someone that i could love as much as you, because i know that you are lovable.


see see, she making my face blush (actually its d alcohol) but she does make me blush, and she has the power to make me blush whenever she wants...

sometimes i feel silly making some small mistakes, and you dont like making mistakes... my head is a bit thick and you might say sometimes a bit airheaded(Himbo???) but i always knock some sense into myself and before i met you, i would just do something without thinking it through so much...


awwww..... So cute... (melted)

i believe that every single moment spent with you is a god gifted moment, everytime i would not want you to part from me is not because i just dont want you to go home and rest, its just that i want to spend a bit more time with you, even just doing nothing but spending time with you is already "something" to me..



Yo te amor... por siempre estaras en mi corazon...

as i am typing this out i just cant stop looking at the pictures on the picture frames you filled up for me, its so nice that it looks like small windows of moments that we had... and when i spin it slowly, it makes me wonder if there was any magic spell that binded us together...


hug me... not the baaaggg.... meee meee....

i pamper you so much not because i have to, its because i want to, because i know you deserve it and so much more. if i were able to give you more, i would... without thinking twice i would give you so much that you would want me to stop... ^^



look like bubblegum hor hor hor...

as time goes by i know that one day that i will be able to achieve my goal of giving everything to you... and you are the only person that i want to give to.



just like a seniorita asking for a dance... just have to love her...

i want you to know one thing, i want to go through everything with you, be it sadness... or happiness or bliss, EVERYTHING... because you mean a lot to me...


...:::~~~///I Love You Stephanie\\\~~~:::...

heres a song dedicated to my love...






The Calling : Stigmatized
If I give up on you I give up on me
If we fight what's true, will we ever be
Even God himself and the faith I knew
Shouldn't hold me back, shouldn't keep me from you

Chorus:
Tease me, by holding out your hand
Then leave me, or take me as I am
And live our lives, stigmatized

I can feel the blood rushing though my veins
When I hear your voice, driving me insane
Hour after hour day after day
Every lonely night that I sit and pray

Chorus

We live our lives on different sides,
But we keep together you and I
Just live our lives, stigmatized

We'll live our lives, We'll take the punches everyday
We'll live our lives I know we're gonna find our way

I believe in you
Even if no one understands
I Believe in you, and I don't really give a damn
stigmatized
We live our lives on different sides
But we keep together you and I
We live our lives on different sides

We're gonna live our lives
Gotta live our lives
We're gonna live our lives
We're gonna live our lives, Gonna live our lives, Stigmatized

IM STILL ALIVE!!

wow... its been ages since i last blogged... daaaammmmnnnn~~

but anyways, im still alive and kicking, still in love with the same girl, if not, even more in love with the same girl(u know who im talking about) and am now living like a student but also working some side business, some events outside...

i never had anything much to blog about, everytime i wanted to blog about something, i reach home, sit on the pc, and totally forget what i want to type out, and im sure a lot of other writers or bloggers outside face the same problem too... my blog isnt too photographic cuz i dont have a camera, but still... hmmm... what did i want to write again?

how are me and steph? great of course, but also experiencing some rocky roads, but i still love her...(damn scary, like talking to my self "hey, how r you? im fine thanks, how bout you? fine too...") we have passed 6months together and looking forward to more no matter what.

anyways, i hope everyone is doing fine, make love not war...

and i hope this line helps you..

"A PERSON CAN MAKE EXCUSES OR MAKE RESULTS, CANT MAKE BOTH..WHICH ONE DO YOU WANT TO MAKE"

quoted from someone obviously.. but really strong impact... take care ^^

Redefining Love

its going to be 6 months now for me and my baby, and there is no one else i love more in this world... i am willing to sacrifice so much and give her so much more, because i know that she deserves it. i have never doubted anything from her before, loving her more and more each passing day. what is love when you dont love her flaws too? nobody is perfect, and i accept it.

sometimes we do have our ups and downs, i have my immaturities and she has her flaws too... but i love her for who she is and im not gonna do anything to change the fact that i love her like crazy. i cant do anything but to pamper her and show her how much i love her. and at the same time she does the same to.

there are no perfect relationships out there, but there are only great ones, and im having one. yes, there are things that we need to cope with, things that we are angered by, and things that we do not agree with, but putting all those aside, there is just so much space for improvement and affection in our relationship. each passing day, our relationship grows and grows, as we stumble, fall and pick ourselves up and dust off the dirt, we hold hands and walk together again. walking towards a wonderful future together. i may be a dreamer, but i only like thinking positive. well, opposites attract, thats why we are together. i really love her alot. there are just so many things i want to do for her, love her more and more, give her things that she could only dream of having and just so much more...

without her, i would only be floating in thin air as she is the anchor that pulls me back to earth... walking with her made so many things clear to me. most of the time, she wonders that i am either too innocent, or just plain stupid. sometimes its a bit of both.

she is just everything that i ever dreamed of, i really dont want to change that...

I love stephanie